Illness, A Father and A Daughter

Yesterday I learned that my father, in addition to his Parkinson's Disease has a very troublesome rare disorder called Basilar Invagination. This disorder is when a piece of bone in the neck intrudes into the spinal cord and moves upward towards the brain. 

Although I knew that my father's recent bouts of falling could lead to something terrible and I did not expect this. 

The diagnosis got me think about illness and fathers. See as a child and for the first 15 years of my adult life I saw my father as SUPERMAN. A human being with tremendous strength, yet would do so quietly. For 36 years my father took care of my mother, who hade numerous illness including mental illness. He is one of my heroes. Always willing to help others. Always making sure that we went to great schools and lived in great neighborhoods. Even when I family was one foot from being homeless my father would travel far to work in temp jobs just to make sure we had a roof over our heads. 

Since my father's diagnosis of PD in 2009, he and I have had numerous conversations about the progress of the disease and what it may bring. Now we have to have discussion about what BI may bring-potential death and/or dramatic decrease in the quality of life if the bone continues (as it will) in an upward track. 

I have been tremendously lucky because I have had a father who was always in my life. A mentor, caregiver and protector. Before his PD affected his memory he use to call me every week to see if I was o.k. 

Today while visiting him, I saw my father cry for the second time in my life. The first time being after my mother's death. He also told me that is was worried about me. Should not be the other way around? This is sentiment that mother felt about me as well. Funny thing is I face illness with my Father's Superman cape and my mother's shield of love. 

My father's illness and newly acquired syndrome has taught me that SUPERMAN does exist but is not indestructible. So over the coming weeks I will have relearn how to make sure I hide my pain from my father and EVERY TIME I see him bring a ray of sunshine (smiles and cookies).  

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